Three Little Words
by ObscuraDemon
Summary: A mild triumph for Kurama, a mild nightmare for Hiei, and a major step forward for both of them. [character analysis] (implied Kurahi - Kurama/Hiei)


Warning: Honestly can't think of anything. There are maybe _two _swears in here... other than that... ?

Characters: Kurama and Hiei (implied Kurahi)

A/N: Okay, so basically I have a mild fear of touching which makes hugs a major deal for me. I actually become physically ill and start experiencing all sorts of tremors and stuff when people hug me. I tried to describe that feeling in this fic, and I realize that to a lot of people it will seem over dramatic and ridiculous - however I can vouch that this sort of reaction happens. I also did it this way because I feel like a character such as Hiei, who has been so devoid of comfort and affection in his life, would have a certain fear of physical consolation. Anyhow...

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><p>There were plants everywhere. In every room, on every flat surface, climbing up every wall: plants. It was almost overwhelming really, to walk through the front door of a seemingly average apartment and to suddenly be buried in a forest.<p>

The types and species of vegetation ranged from your average daisy to the exotic aristolochia grandiflora, sprouting like giants wherever they could. Leaves would smack you in the face if you tried to walk down the hallway in a straight line and vines covered up doorways like chains and locks. As a result of the overgrowth, walking into the condensed apartment was like walking into a balmy sauna that smelled of wet dirt.

Down the twisting hallway that buzzed with life, through a doorway that was barred with wisteria, in a room packed to the brim with aromatic flowers and medical herbs: Hiei stood stiffly.

"I trust you, Kurama... You have proven yourself many times now, and... and I suppose you deserve my faith," Deep breath, "I have only ever given my trust to two others; one will never know how much I trust her and the other sees me only as an ally. You are the first I have ever met that has gained my trust and still wanted more... You want... to be closer to me than anyone has ever been... Or at least you did in the beginning. And I now feel that I would be willing to try that... If you still want me... Then I- ... We- ... Ugh ..." Shaky sigh, "... I want to be with you."

Hiei was staring directly into Kurama's eyes as he said it, putting all his trust on the line within seconds of verifying it. This was a big thing for him. He'd shown up at Kurama's house properly, politely using the locked door instead of the window. He'd waited for him to get home from work. He'd formally requested Kurama's attention without insults. Then he'd stood there, completely vulnerable, so that he could stare Kurama right in the eye as he said it. So that there were no misunderstandings. Now he wanted an answer. He needed one.

Kurama stared silently back at him, fully processing what he had to say and for a minute or so, nothing happened. The quiet rustling of leaf upon leaf was the only thing to count the heavy minutes as they dragged on by. Rustle, rustle, rustle. Hiei was just about to explode when the fox suddenly brightened with a grin.

"Say that again." Kurama murmured.

"...What?... No! Are you deaf or something?! You heard it just fine the first time!"

"Not the whole thing, just the beginning."

Hiei blinked, then slowly repeated, "... I trust you..."

Kurama's grin widened, "Again."

"I trust you."

"Again."

"I trust you."

"Again."

"Goddammit Kurama! Stop screwing with me!"

Kurama's eyes twinkled with a repressed joke as he laughed quietly. "I assure you, Hiei, I am taking this quite seriously."

"Could have fooled me..."

"Now, as for this speech of yours..." His eyes lost their laughter and were suddenly drowned in something quite different, "To hear that I have your trust brings me more happiness than words can express; and finally having my pursuit accepted is a gift beyond measurement. Thank you, Hiei."

Hiei blinked – then smiled, not sadistically, not bitterly, but with actual happiness. For a fleeting moment, he basked in satisfaction. Everything was going right: Kurama was trustworthy, he wanted Kurama, Kurama wanted him, there was nothing in the way, they weren't in any danger. For once in his life, it seemed he didn't have to give anything up to get what he wanted. There was no excruciating pain, no loneliness, no regret. Just the mutual understanding that the other was wanted.

But then he realized: there was one thing that he was going to have to sacrifice for this... thing between them - his control. He frowned, "You do know that I'm no good at this sort of thing... I have never been... affectionate with someone before. I'm not stupid, I know what's done, but I... am inexperienced."

Kurama merely laughed, "I know, Hiei. That was established quite awhile ago... I, on the other hand, have many years of practice; so, unless you have an objection, I believe that you should follow my lead in this relationship. Okay?"

Hiei narrowed his eyes at Kurama's self-satisfied leer. The idea of handing over his dignity, his control, and his pride to someone else was terrifying; to say the least. His whole life had been centred on his code; on his independence, but if he wanted to satisfy his curiosity and loneliness than he just had to be willing to let go. He glanced at Kurama again. The fox sat there quietly, waiting with the same patience that had contained him since they had first met - his deceptively soft eyes studying Hiei's face in the way they always had; gently but sharply, careful virtue hiding habitual sin.

He wanted an answer. That was his constant request. From the very moment Hiei had found him, Kurama had asked the same thing over and over. Yes or no? Sink or swim? For all of those years, the unresolved question had hung like a fence; dividing them by just enough that a sense of desperation could develop, something which Hiei suspected that the fox had engineered knowingly; pitting the Forbidden One's isolation against his sentiment. It was a sneaky, underhanded, dishonest way to go about things - and it worked like a charm.

"Okay."

Kurama brightened even more (if that was possible). His eyes were warm and soft as he appraised Hiei, letting some of the tension lift from his shoulders. The relief of obtaining something long desired was rather new to him, having always nurtured instant gratification in the past; so this sudden weightlessness struck him. Satisfying, but mind boggling at the same time. He scooted over on his futon and patted the space beside him.

"Well, let's begin then. Come and sit here."

Hiei shifted almost nervously, but before long he gingerly took his place beside the fox; glancing up to see Kurama's eyes trained fixedly on him.

"Now... ...Hiei, I want you to tell me one last time. Do you trust me?"

"Yes. I trust you."

Kurama took a deep, contented breath, "Good. Remember that and try to relax."

With that said, he scooped Hiei up into his lap, positioning him so that the koorime was straddling his waist and crushed up against his chest. His arms snaked around the little demon, pulling him in closer still until Hiei's face was buried in Kurama's shoulder and his arms were forced from his sides to hesitantly encircle the fox. Finally, Kurama's hand weaved into black flame hair, gently stroking.

Hiei tensed. The hold was almost like something he would encounter in battle; just as he was about to be thrown to the ground or have his neck torn out; so his trained instincts held him statue still for a moment, preparing for pain. And yet, there was none. There was just more holding, more warmth. He waited a little longer. Nothing. Just the steady up and down of Kurama's chest and a tingling sensation running along his spine.

Slowly, Hiei's muscles relaxed as he tried his best to mimic the gesture, and much to his surprise, the tension in his body lifted away; allowing him to melt boneless into the embrace without so much as a thought. Had this been a new battle technique, he would need to be constantly vigilant in his action, always thinking, always studying and adjusting. But this, it would seem, was different.

The proper way to fit his arms around Kurama's waist didn't spring to his mind, instead it just directly ordered his limbs. Urged on by themselves, his arms wrapped tightly around the fox, clinging with a desperation that Hiei couldn't recognize as his own. He found his face burrowing deeper into the crook of Kurama's neck, and his legs tightening their grip.

Every action was out of his control, like watching a recording or floating high up above; screaming at your body to listen. He watched as he began to shake, trembling violently in a full body spasm that came from nowhere but affected everything. The fabric of Kurama's shirt was wrung between his fingers in some attempt to keep himself steady, but it didn't really help. Sweeps of cold chills rushed through him, and all he could do was cling tighter and shiver harder. Awful, was the only word that could describe this. Awful. He wanted it to stop, all these feelings and sensations; just stop. But they wouldn't, and for whatever reason, he couldn't pull away.

A faint bitterness crossed him. This companionship that people always praised, if it was like this, then it was just as disappointing as everything else. Why did he expect some sort of pleasure? How naive.

His mind threatened more of the same old thing, regret and anger, something of a common theme with him; but an entirely different sensation abruptly pushed those thoughts aside.

Something was kneading into his skin. Pulling and pushing in slow, steady circles. It was odd, but not unpleasant. And, although his shaking had yet to end, the feeling of having his back rubbed tempered the conflict in his mind; knocking the aggressive thoughts back down to their original confused, but strangely hopeless longing.

Then, another new experience.

Kurama's smooth voice was suddenly floating by his ear like the breeze: lilting gently in time to a natural rhythm.

"Shh, it's okay... Just relax, Hiei, I won't hurt you, I swear...There's nothing to be afraid of."

Of course there was no need for fear, Hiei thought angrily; yet those petty little promises were steadying his mind and body all the same.

As the gentle murmurs wrapped around him, something started to melt. Shifting at a glacial pace, a single wall was crumbling to uncover the softness and fragility which was so accustomed to a world of ice. It was only one wall out of the hundreds, but in a life which rarely saw change, a life of complete solitude in both mind and heart; this was doom's day.

Hiei would sooner look death in the eye then admit weakness; that had been his modus operandi for as long as he could remember, but his body seemed to suddenly be rejecting that settled mindset. His face was heating up in the most unfamiliar way, and the breath in his lungs was thick as he struggled against gasps; but what really unsettled him was just how quickly it was all happening. Mere minutes ago he'd had command over his body, yet now... now it was as if he'd sustained some sort of major injury.

"This is not a contest, you don't have to regulate yourself..."

That sentiment bothered him. There was always a need to regulate yourself, how else could one maintain any sort of dignity or identity? Perhaps on the battlefield, Hiei had a tendency for recklessness that overpowered his sense of control now and again, but in personal matters; order was vital. Kurama couldn't possibly expect him to let go of his boundaries, to welcome someone into his meticulously designed solitude just like that. Could he? Was that what all these awful, sickly sensations were about?

A wave of nausea rolled over him as the burning in his cheeks journeyed to his eyes. and his stomach contracted painfully as more air was pushed from his empty lungs. Some intense pressure was building steadily deep in his chest and across the bridge of his nose, stacking higher and higher until breathing was like drowning. Each heart beat seemed accented, thumping away faster than they should, but slower than the pressure and heat would suggest. Hiei couldn't even hear the rip when his fierce grip finally tore Kurama's shirt; everything was focused on the pain behind his eyes.

"You're not in any danger here, it's safe... I won't let anything happen to you... Trust me."

That's right, Kurama could be trusted – he trusted Kurama. Against his better judgement, against observation and reason; Hiei, trusted the pretender Schuichi Minamino, the Thief King Youko, the untrustworthy Kurama. He trusted that lying bastard with his whole heart: how sad.

An unfamiliar calm began creeping up his limbs with a deliberate pungency. As it climbed, body part after body part became numb with the sensation of free-falling, drifting out of existence because they lacked the importance to be there. With a start, he realized that this was the release of tension. Years of built up stress was melting away in one fluid sweep. He wanted to call it all back, to refasten his baggage so that it's weight could make him feel solid and real again: not just some corporeal mind, feeling but not being.

There, in that dream-like state, only there in that plain of non-being: could his body completely unhinge itself.

All the fire inside his head which had been pounding away until now, suddenly burst; like a geyser. The heat under his skin rose to the top and smothered his face in a blanket of lead and of flames which threatened death by suffocation – under it's power, he found that his lungs could no longer hold air. As the process began, he felt the bleary need to control himself, to stop this flood of fire; but, that was impossible, as he soon found out.

Wave after wave knocked back his prideful sense of self-control until there was nothing left but the desperate need to be safe, to be held; to be loved. Save me, he cried out in his mind, I'm falling. The world was a shifting mass of nothing, and even though he was strong and fast and smart, he couldn't find anything to hold on to; he was just as helpless as a child.

He was crying.

No.

He was crying.

No!

Hiei didn't cry, couldn't cry. That was impossible.

Tears dribbled pathetically from the corners of his tightly shut eyes, balancing delicately on his lashes, before crystallizing and falling to the ground. The beautiful black gems glittered with an inner flame, in the same way that fine emerald does, winking temptingly in shades of red and violet. Priceless, coveted. Jewels wrought from tears of the Forbidden One would sell for a fortune anywhere; but here, they were completely forgotten.

Kurama's arms pulled Hiei closer to him, until there wasn't an ounce of space left. The fox didn't move or speak; just sat there and held him. Saved him from falling. His face was buried in black hair as he protectively rested his head on top of Hiei's, breathing slowly and calmly to offset the madness that was circling them – eyes closed as he listened carefully to the sounds of erratic breathing and tiny whimpers, a faint smile twisting his lips. Trust. As the word came to mind, his soft smile grew a little more.

Time didn't really exist then. As minutes changed to hours, nothing so much as moved to count them down. That room, that moment; was completely separate from the world at large, whether it was Ningenkai, Makia, or Reikai. None of it mattered.

But nothing lasts forever. Immediacy did eventually deign to show its face, revealing an urban night sky in the windows and a rhythmically ticking clock (something that had gone unnoticed during that twilight period). Hiei roused from his stupor to discover himself curled up in Kurama's lap, his head resting under the fox's chin, one hand clutching a chest while the other balanced on a hip. A small twinge of embarrassment struck him.

Sudden movement in his arms snapped Kurama's eyes open. He looked down to find Hiei nervously pulling his hands away, evidently trying to find somewhere neutral to rest them. His gaze weas darting from one fixated spot to the next in a tell-tale show of uncertainty, but despite his obvious distress, Hiei's features had finally softened to suit his round face.

The moment of peace had ebbed away. As inexplicable as its arrival was its departure, which seemed to occur completely at random; a silent buzz alerting all participants that this moment of understanding had come to a close. Please retrieve all wandering hands and return to your usual state of insecurity.

Neither said a word as Hiei slid off Kurama's lap and settled against his side There was no comment made when Kurama's hand moved to rest on Hiei's thigh or when Hiei let his head rest on Kurama's shoulder. There was no need to say anything.

They spent some time just sitting there, recovering from the emotional marathon they'd run. Hiei was swiping at his eyes occasionally with a dumbfounded expression as he tested the moistness of his cheeks. He'd cried, that was a simple truth that he would eventually have to forgive himself for, but at the moment it didn't seem real. Because of this, and partially due to his exhaustion, he felt no need to berate himself for such a transgression immediately. Why not instead, enjoy the afterglow of a breakdown?

Kurama spent his time tracing circles with his thumb on Hiei's thigh and mentally celebrating his ability to do so. Of course, being Kurama, he balanced these more emotional thoughts with some rational decision regarding how their relationship should proceed. He would have to be careful undoubtedly, it being Hiei and all, but at the same time there was a call for more emotional involvement than he'd been accustomed to in the past. It was going to be an adventure for both of them.

A twinge of discomfort in his stomach chased the sluggishness from Kurama's mind. Hunger. Ah yes, it had been at least twelve hours since he'd eaten. Perhaps a meal was in order.

"I am going to retrieve some food. Any preferences?" The fox's voice rang in the dusty silence clear as a beam of light.

Hiei started a little as he looked up, taking a second to gather himself. After recovering his ability to speak and to think, he replied, "It doesn't matter to me. Eat what you want."

With a knowing smirk, Kurama spoke in mock innocence, "So you won't be having any then? If that's the case, I believe I will have a green salad."

He rose slowly to stand and began to make his way to the door. Hiei, who had found it strangely difficult to support himself without Kurama beside him, leaned forward from his sitting position and balanced on his outstretched hands. With herculean self-containment, Hiei let Kurama get all the way to the door and begin to turn the handle before he blurted, "Wait. Fish. I want fish."

The door handle rotated back to resting as Kurama turned to look at him with a teasing smile, "I thought I was eating alone – had a change of heart, have we?"

"Don't make fun of me, you bastard."

"I wouldn't dream of it! No need to be so defensive."

Hiei glowered up at him, his gaze losing a lot of its intimidating effect while he was curled up on a futon with post-emotion sleepiness saturating every feature on his face. Awkwardly, he shifted to lean against the wall behind him, letting most of his weight slump against its support. Seeing as Kurama was still staring at him, he turned his head to give himself a little false privacy, but he could still feel the fox silently watching.

"Are you nervous that I will run if you leave the room? Is that why you're standing there like an idiot?" Hiei scoffed without looking, feeling mildly unappreciated.

Although the words were meant as a stab, Kurama merely took them with a broader smile. His entire countenance melted into one of peace, practically glowing with calm.

"Of course not. I know you will stay until I return," his voice held no uncertainty, "I trust you."

Hiei turned back abruptly. His ruby eyes were wide with shock as he stared directly into Kurama's serene, intense gaze. _Trust?_ A fire was lit behind deep green, one of determination and affection and faith, a fire warm enough to burn away walls and walls of ice, a fire rampant enough to chase away habitual indifference. A fire bright enough to draw two lost souls to it's core.

Then, without warning, Kurama whipped his searing gaze away and exited the room, leaving Hiei to stare after him in bewilderment.

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><p>Cheers ;)<p> 


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